An It Harm None ... Want to start a spirited - perhaps even heated - debate? Ask any group of Wiccans/Pagans to define the meaning of these few simple words ... "Eight words the Wiccan Rede Fulfill, An it harm none, do what ye will." The Wicca follow many paths; while the goals of each tradition are similar, ritual practices and methods can differ greatly. Yet, there is one thing that seems to bind all traditions together: the Rede. This universal "Code of Ethics" is the starting point for every path, the guidebook for the journey, and that upon which we will judge the ultimate success of our incarnation. An It Harm None ... Despite the increasing problems of mankind, most people still try to live their lives in such a manner as to not hurt others; they are cautious of the things they say, honorable in their dealings, loving and helpful, charitable. Most realize, at the deepest levels of their psyche, that what goes around, comes around (so to speak). Do What Ye Will. Who among us doesn't want to do what she pleases, living, loving, laughing, creating without the shackles of someone else's should's and should nots? Is it not so much more exciting to be able to think, and learn, and grow on our own, rather than have someone tell us how it must be, leaving us no choice for ourselves? The Rede, then, gives us the best of both worlds. It gives us freedom to be our own person, while reminding us of our responsibility to allow others to live as they would, as well. Or, does it? What is the definition of "harm?" Is it the outward, visible things - acts committed that cause physical, mental, or emotional pain, stealing from others, lying, cheating? Or, is it something a bit more subtle, requiring us to look at the BIG picture, the long-range consequences? Can harm be defined as something omitted? The more dedicated to serving the Lord and Lady one becomes, the more knowledgeable about the Craft, the more the meaning of the Rede changes. As one matures and gains wisdom, one begins to see that harming someone can also mean failing to stop someone who is hurting others, not wanting to take responsibility for things that "really aren't any of my business." Harming someone can be the result of our refusal to bring consequences, perhaps because of "love." Never was this idea brought home to me so hard as when my best friend found herself married to a man who, it seemed, changed overnight from a loving, responsible husband and father to a frightening, selfish monster. Things were just not going well for MaryAnn. She'd fallen and hurt her back, and had consequently lost her job at the bank at the same time as her husband had broken his leg and found himself unable to work. When his Mother passed away, suddenly and unexpectedly, there wasn't enough money for MaryAnn and their six year old son to accompany him, so Buddy had had to travel to the funeral alone. When he returned after two weeks, he just wasn't the same. It started out small, but changes quickly escalated, and soon, he was beating MaryAnn at every opportunity, blaming her for everything, staying away from home for long periods, returning only to take what little money they had saved for groceries. Unable to make ends meet, MaryAnn was finally served with an eviction notice. She and I were very close, and I offered to let her stay with me for awhile. She decided to accept the offer, hoping the time away from her would mellow him, and give them both a chance to re-group. The only stipulation was that she not tell Buddy where I lived. He was trouble with a capital "T" and I wanted nothing to do with him! When the phone rang at 6:00 am on the day she was scheduled to move, I knew before I even answered it that he was beating her again. All I heard was "Help me!" before the phone went dead. Grabbing my car keys and my robe, I rushed from the house, and drove like a madwoman ten miles across town, fearing the worse. Throwing open the door when I arrived, I smelled the stench of garbage, and saw MaryAnn lying in the middle of several dumped cans, crying, her son scared half-to death, trying to help her get up. I could hear Buddy in the back of the house, dumping packed boxes, and breaking things. Seconds later, Buddy burst into the room, cursing, calling me names, and demanding to know where I lived. He screamed his question, over and over, getting closer and closer to my face, threatening me. I stood there calmly, and told him I would not give him the address, nor was I frightened of him. And, I told him that I intended to call the police if he did not leave immediately. His answer was to pick up a five gallon aquarium and throw it at me, missing me by several feet, but missing his son only by inches, spraying shards of broken glass all over the child. MaryAnn grabbed her son, and ran outside to lock herself in the car. Buddy responded by climbing on the hood, and stomping the windshield in on the two, frightened occupants. I left, to find a phone, telling him I would be back with the police. I guess he didn't believe me at first; I watched from a neighbors as he was calmly loaded the things he wanted into the back of his El Camino. When the he heard the police coming, sirens wailing, there was a hint of fear on his face for the first time. Still a block away, Buddy managed to jump in the car and take off, evading the officers and keep himself out of jail - at least for the time being. As the day progressed, MaryAnn became more and more ill. Finally, I forced her to go to the emergency room at the hospital where it was confirmed: she had two broken ribs, and several cracked ones. At first, she was willing to do anything to keep Buddy away from her and Christopher. But as the days passed, she began to wonder if he wasn't just going crazy from all the problems, and if maybe she hadn't been too harsh. She withdrew her police complaint, and called him on the telephone, hoping to make peace with the situation. We all thought she was crazy! Why? Where was her head? Buried in her heart, apparently. "I love him! And he is Christopher's father. And Christopher loves him, too!" "I cannot harm him by filing the complaint," she said. "After all, sending him to jail would be horrible! It would harm him far more than he's harmed us!" Try as I might, I could not get her to see that by allowing Buddy to do what he did without punishment was harming him far more ... it was teaching him that he could hurt people physically and mentally, even break ribs if he wanted to, and he could get away with it! Nobody was going to stand up to him! MaryAnn would meet him at various places, always hoping for the best. But, the fights went on ... and she frequently sported black eyes and bruised appendages. To make matters worse, he somehow found out where we lived, and began stalking the house. One morning, as she was going out to the car, he jumped her and almost killed her, bashing her head into the roof of the car. This time, however, the police got there before he got away - and this time, as the assault took place on my property, I signed the complaint. When Buddy was released from jail six months later, he immediately found MaryAnn, sweet-talked her, took her money, ate her food, used her sexually, and then proceeded to abuse her once again. When he'd had his fill, he taunted her, saying he was leaving to go see his girlfriend ... He knew that would hurt her more than anything. For the next few months, he showed up when he wanted ... and almost every visit ended with a beating. After all was said and done, MaryAnn still refused to sign a complaint against him. She stubbornly held on to the belief that his personality change was temporary, and that all would soon be well. One night, he showed up at my door at 2:00 am, demanding to see MaryAnn, putting his fist through the screen, breaking one of the windows. Again, I called the police, and again, he was taken away. Another six months ... just a short hop for him. As they put him in the squad car, he yelled at us, saying he'd be out soon, and he would make me pay ... he'd make all of us pay. Buddy was, in fact, seeing another woman and had been for some time before he'd been arrested the first time. Just before he went to jail the second time, she'd announced that she was pregnant. For nearly seven months, she waited for the day he would get out of jail so that they could start a life together. Her fantasy - not his. When he was released, he showed up at her door, already in a bad mood. They got in a little argument over something inconsequential. Voices got louder, and Buddy started throwing things. Frightened, his girlfriend tried to leave. The argument ended when Buddy pushed her down the stairs, killing her unborn baby, and severely injuring her. While Buddy could have gone to jail for more than a few years for this "mistake," he didn't because, just as MaryAnn had done, his girlfriend refused to sign a complaint against him. Although it was obvious he'd been hitting her, and more than probable that he'd pushed her, there had been no witnesses. And, she told police she'd fallen down the stairs. And, there was nothing the law could do about it - not even for taking the life of his unborn child. And through it all, Buddy felt NO remorse. His words? "I brought the kid into the world ... I got the right to take it out." He could take a life - and nobody would stop him. Buddy has been in and out of jail constantly since that time. To this date, Buddy purposely breaks the law because he's discovered its easier for the State or County to take care of him - feed and house him - than it is to make a living "out there." He is now housed in the California State Penitentiary at Chino ... and will be there for quite a few more years - he shot a man during an armed robbery. So, what is the verdict? Did MaryAnn harm him more by sheltering him from the consequences of his actions? I think so ... had she stopped him IN THE BEGINNING he may have learned that you can't just do whatever it is you want to do - and get away with it. And, those lessons are hard to unlearn ... he kept pushing his "luck," getting caught more and more frequently as time went on until finally, he became institutionalized. And, worse, I think that MaryAnn will have to shoulder part of the blame for the death of that innocent little child, and live with the guilt - just as the child's Mother will. She was the first woman to teach Buddy that it was OK to beat up on women and children. And he learned that lesson all too well. Harm? What does it mean? Where does your responsibility lie? Harm isn't always defined as acts committed; sometimes, its acts omitted. Just a little something to think about ... Blessed Be ... Lady Mystara October 13, 1996