"Apparition"

Playful intentions
Gone awry
All it did
Was cause me to cry
And count the days
Since you last talked to me
The reality I shared
And let no one else see

I remember
All the plans we were making
And the sweet things you said
You made me feel alive again
Now I wish that I was dead

I adore your heart
And I know its there
But I learned the hard way
You could never care

I'm living in misery
And I don't know what I hate most
Being invisable to you
Or being in love with a ghost

"Someone"


I'm sewing my heart together
And cutting a new place for myself
I'm writing the end of my own story
And taking my confidence off the shelf.
Although you'll always be there
In my heart and in the back of my mind
I am standing alone
And leaving my feelings behind.

I admired you
For your courage
And the strength
I thought you had.
But now I understand
the situation
And I think its really sad.
You have your little conveniences
And your neatly wrapped up life
You locked your heart up years ago
And you're keeping it on ice.

I've been where you are
And thought I had been spared
But a life worth living
Is a life truly shared.

You deserve so much more
Than you allow yourself to be.
I wish you could understand
I pray for you to see
Being alone is the killer
But you don't have to be
There is someone who cares...
Turn around..
And you'll find me.

"I Love You"

I love you
A phrase often misused
Tossed around aimlessly
and abused.
Boring to some
A dream to others.
Most often spoken
Truthfully
By mothers.
A passionate expression
of something so simple
yet vast
But often
The outcome
Is not meant to last.
To pardon the expression though
Should be a crime
For loving someone is never
a waste of time
Too often we squander our days
and the things that we say
Like the pennies and nickels
We just throw away.
To love someone else
More than yourself
Is a gift to be cherished
That gives of itself.
It makes the world seem
a little less small
And can make
the shortest person
Feel a little more tall.
A golden heart
is something I've found
to be something worth
having around.
So when I tell you
I love you
Please pay attention
Because it is something
I never would mention
Unless I felt it
in my heart and soul
Since time has wounded
And taken its toll.
That is one phrase
I do not misuse
Please don't mistake
I do not abuse.
I learned long ago...

Even if it causes
Me to fall
It is better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved
at all.

"Limits"

From the time I was little
I knew I was different
I was misunderstood and had few friends
For a while that was sufficient.
Whenever I tried to be myself
And not submit
I was always told
"My dear, there is a limit."

I gave in to what society expected
I committed
To feel protected.
I resigned and kept my mouth shut
And constantly felt
Stuck in rut.

But something inside me longed to be free
Then I saw you
And you reminded me of me.
I vowed to myself to not hold back
But what I didn't count on
Was what I would lack.

If I was the woman
You had always wanted
I'd tear down the walls
And you would no longer be haunted.
Just like the sky
Love has no limit
And I can't imagine
A world without you in it.
It may have seemed like a lark
But I would never have done
what I did
If I hadn't felt a spark.
I wanted to count you in my life
as a friend
Instead that was a catalyst
for the very end.

I was reminded of why
I stopped trying
All the nights of heartache
Accompanied by crying
myself to sleep
And the restless dreams
of someone I wished
Could soften my screams
of emotional pain
And wanting someone to see
The part of me I was never
Allowed to be.

I've heard the lectures
About how beauty
is on the inside
But how can anyone see
What I must hide?
The silent treatment
has been tough.
But worse is knowing
I wasn't good enough.

Now I must deal with the cold reality...
You wanted someone to find and love you
You just didn't want her
to be me.