A Female Witch's Perspective on Sex and Intimacy
Sex is about being in the moment. It is the perfect balance of the
Divine Feminine and the Divine Masculine from within. Sex should create
a brief period where time does not exist. There is no future and no
past. The act of sex returns us to the innocense of childhood, when for
a few moments we haven't a care in the world. Or rather, it should.
Many times we are so anxious about the future and concerned about past
problems that we cannot find the moment to simply be and enjoy.
Many young teens who are sexually active too early have not had
childhoods themselves. They have not experienced the joy and freedom of
not having a schedule, of not being allowed to be carefree. In search
of that lost euphoria, many teens mistakenly turn to having sex too
soon. Girls especially, can become depressed and lonely when they have
sex too young.
Our society's definition and negative perception of virginity are also
harmful to future generations of young people. Young women and men have
difficulty grounding themselves psychologically and maturing
emotionally , when they are being pressured to engage in sexual
intercourse, lest they be labelled virgins. To the Celts, a woman's
virginity referred to her sexual independence and carried no
implication of chastity. A virgin would give and receive pleasure and
was not bound to any one love. The Morrighan and Brighid are two
examples of Royal Virgins. The word virgin is derived from the
Latin, simply meaning "young girl". The Celtic root corresponding to
the Latin virgin is werg, which meant "young girl",
"wife", and "woman", and referred to a woman's strength, force, and
skill. In reality, a young woman should aspire to virginity er entire
life.
It becomes important, then, to channel sexual energy into other areas.
Statistics show that girls who are allowed to participate in sports are
less likely to experience teenage pregnancy, low self-esteem, and
substance abuse, among many other junk culture afflictions.
Furthermore, there are many ways to gain sexual experiences without
engaging in the act of sex. How often have you heard personal "highs"
equated with "great sex"? If sex is indeed being in the moment, and
achieving a perfect balance between the Divine Feminine and Divine
Masculine, then there are many ways to do this. Making a great play, an
amazing tennis shot, reading a book you can't seem to put down,
listening to music than inspires you,enjoying the fragrance and beauty
of a flower, are spiritual occurances that can also be fulfilling on a
sexual level. For, when you encounter these types of experiences in
your daily life, you feel, as one should feel after making love,
euphoric, satisfied, and transcended.
The act of sex should be the last thing to happen in a relationship,
the ultimate expression of love. The goal of any sexual union is to
have an empowering sexual experience. The participants must feel good
about themselves. Otherwise sex will not be empowering, but weakening
and self-effecing. Communicating, being able to talk openly with one
another, is the key, for sex is not about conquest or notches in one's
belt, but about how you feel inside. Sex is not about what another
thinks of you. It is about what you think of you.
Sex is overrated as a cure-all ina relationship. For sex to be fun and
pleasing, partners must learn to create intimacy. Intimacy begins with
a touch, a laugh, a sign, a euphoric sensation in the pit of your
stomach. It is a feeling that, when apart, you're both staring up at
the same Moon. When that happens you might call that person and the
conversation goes something like this:
"I was just thinking about you."
"I know."
"How did you know?"
"Because I was doing the same thing, thinking about you."
Fantasy and expectation in a relationship can be fun, but couples miss
out on the value of flirtatious sexual repartee. Flirting is highly
underrated and mocked in many circles as "teasing" a man. Touching,
intertwining auras and energies, is exciting and is the seedling of
communication. Many times in a relationship a touch or a kiss is
enough. In many instances it is better to receive a hug, a poem, or a
"let's plan a day together", thn sex, for these displays of affection
make partnerships comfortable, caring, tender, and lasting.
Sex without love, without talk, may make you feel "sexy" for a time,
but probably will not leave you emotionally satisfied. Communicating
must prevail over biology. Otherwise, there is not much point to having
sex other than reproducing.
If sex is to be pleasurable, then we must be able to talk openly with
each other. Ask questions. What is comfortable? What's not? What feels
good? Talking first before acting sexually is an important way to
engage in so-called "safe sex"and to protect yourself from sexual
diseases. If you are not talking to your partner, then you do not know
what is pleasurable. Talking engages the mind, the consummate erogenous
zone.
Giving into sex is not the Witch's answer. Engaging in sex without real
desire weakens the partnership. Many women become slaves to a man's
sexuality. Unhgappily, women often find themselves responsible for
child care, housework, cooking and shopping, as well as holding down a
job outside the home. In addition to these duties, she is also expected
to please yet another person, her husband, in bed. This is a servile
mentality that must be changed.
Many women find themselves in that position because they feel
financially powerless or inferior. Even today, women fear losing the
basics of life provided by a man's income. Many, however, do not , but
simply leave the door of their abiding , nurturing natures open far too
wide.
A woman feeling enslaved or pressured in a relationship must reflect
this lifestyle outright without shame or guilt. There is no point in
having a man around who cannot and will not do his share of the daily
work. Women have to understand that a person cannot appreciate
something if he is unaware of its value. Every domestic chore you do
has a monetary equivalent. Baby-sitting, housecleaning, window washing,
laundry, food shopping, clothes shopping, dog walking, even sex! Give
him a bill or put it under his pillow. Women should feel proud and
confident about the work they perform, in order to be compensated with
their due respect.
Women need to think critically and courageously about sex. A woman is
not a commodity and she should never wait around for a man's attention.
If a man is uninterested in having sex, channel your sexual energy into
other areas for a time. Take a class, go out with friends, make plans,
but make a stand. Respect yourself . At first he may be jealous of your
activities. He may tease you. Generally speakin, men are much more
respectful and attracted to women who take charge of their own
happiness.
Initially life is romantic and sweet for young lovers. Falling in love
is a rollercoaster ride. We find it. We lose it. We rediscover it. We
relish the feeling of being wrapped in love at our naked, most
vulnerable moments. The challenge in a relationship comes much later on
when the enticement is gone and couples feel overwhelmed, either by
committment, work, or children. Instead of wondering "where did the
love go?", women need to take the initiative, take sex on their own
terms. Kidnap your husband or lover. Get a babysitter or relative to
help with the children for a weekend. For the first night, just be
alone together with no expectations of sex. Have dinner, relax. Your
sex life will improve. Communication heightens and enriches sex for
both men and women.
--Excerpt from The Witch in Every Woman by Laurie Cabot.
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